It’s been a confusing time.
I’ve fallen in love with San Diego, but my heart is torn between here and Portland. I went up there for a couple weeks, to see how I liked it, and I still do- immensely. I lounged in the wooded parks, ate fantastic food on sidewalk patios, and had a few heart-to-hearts with some dear friends. I have tentatively accepted a position in Portland for 6 weeks, depending on whether I can find a decent place to stay up there. But the pragmatic part of me is telling me to just get a new job here and focus on saving money.
I still can’t choose between the two cities, so I’m leaning towards buying an RV and going between, taking bartending jobs where they are available. I may even go to Vegas and work bar at the casinos there for several months at a time- it’s a great way to make money quickly, although I fully expect it to be soul-crushing. I’m trying to make smaller decisions that feel aligned with the path I want to take in life. I quit my thankless (albeit well-paying) job in middle management yesterday. I just told them I wouldn’t be coming in anymore after my vacation. I just couldn’t take it.
My primary motivation behind that decision was to focus my time and on my fledgling business… and then today, one of my partners quit out of the blue. I understand where this person was coming from, but at the same time…. I am gutted. I had so looked forward to the creative partnership between the three of us.
Now there are only two.
I respect this person’s artistic vision and I feel like I’m floundering, figuring out where to go from here. I’m not much of a visual artist. Yes, I definitely consider myself a curator of visual pleasures, but it’s difficult for me to translate that into my own creations. Performance is my medium, and it (along with writing) has always come really easily to me.
But with the departure of this person, I have to take the reins of the company and dive into an area where I’m not super comfortable. Luckily, my remaining partner is a genius artist and designer, and I think together we can fill in the blanks and I have no doubt that we’ll come up with some fantastic ideas.
So the Cowgirl Coven is down to just us.
In some respects, this is a good thing. It means more money and more creative control. More flexibility with schedules, since our third partner was on the East Coast. I have a renewed drive to make this project happen- to prove everyone wrong. On the other hand, I hope that we can someday build a dream team of like-minded people, and in order to do that, my business partner and I both need to get our shit together in a big way.
I’m starting by taking on healthier daily habits, and by treating this like an actual job- not a hobby. Write every day, develop products every day, post on social media regularly. Take care of my body, take care of my mind.
Breathe. Everything is gonna be alright.
After all- it’s only Sunday.
Norse Western 